And another reboot ;)

So, it's been almost exactly a year since my last post. And it's been one hell of a crappy year! This will be a far more regular blog, I promise, though it may be taking in more non-horsey topics, which I will get to in a minute.

Moving to a whole new state where you know no-one, have no riding facilities and no money is pretty must the hardest thing you can do when all you want to do is what you were doing before! I fell at Lynton Horse Trials a year ago, tore the ligaments in my ankle (very painful and slow to heal) and then found that my confidence was really messed up. I basically struggled to get on and ride the whole year, and haven't jumped a jump since. I even sat out of the Lucinda Green clinic. Not good, right?

I am slowly getting into a better place. I have done a couple of Manu Mclean clinics which always help my self-esteem. I am definitely aiming to do the Lucinda clinic next February, and I'm now a member of an Adult Riding club down here (my god, ARCs in Victoria are huge - like Pony Club for grown ups!).

I am now a proud Australian Stock Horse breeder (Pine Hill Stud, baby) with my very own young colts standing next year. Though, I fell off one of the breakers and hurt my bloody back a couple of weeks ago, sheesh....

In the last year, amidst all the turmoil and, to be fair, loneliness, of leaving my friends and equestrian community behind in Canberra, I stacked on the weight. It's terrible! So, today I'm starting the crash diet developed (I mean to say, 'marketed') by Dr Michael Mosley, the Blood Sugar Diet. It is an 8 week torture fest during which I will live on 800 calories per day. But, I should lose about 15kg, re-set my blood sugar to normal levels, kick-start my metabolism again, and, most importantly, not look like a fatty on poor Annie. White breeches are unforgiving, people.

I plan to blog about it and share the torture. :)

I also have a busy few months ahead as I start a new business (details to come when they're finalised), take the ASH boys to my very first Stock Horse shows, take Annie to our first comps in over a year, and generally ramp up to Christmas. We have a little ASH foal due in 6 weeks, too. So, I promise this will not turn into an awful, over-sharing weight-loss blog. It will only be a tiny bit of that.

I want to blog about this because the equestrian community is all about appearances. We all want to be improving and doing fine all the time. We don't want to show we're scared, we feel fat or uncomfortable, or how intimidated we are by the pros and their bloody gorgeous horses. But we do feel those things - lots! And I want to share my experiences and do a bit more embracing of the amateurishness of those experiences.  I want to do a bit more showing how it really is, including the mis-steps, the bitching and the judging. Oh yes, I'm doing lots of dressage judging too - heh heh heh.

Until literally a month ago, I had this weird mindset of thinking I was a professional, that I had to be riding at a certain level, had to be going up the grades all the time. I had never questioned this - never even really acknowledged it. But, my unconscious seemed to have me pegged as a future Olympian (I'm not actually exaggerating here), and every time I didn't do well, I beat myself up for it. Which was obviously all the time, since I ain't winning no trophy rugs!

I stopped wanting to ride at all when I fell at Lynton. What's the point, I thought? And I was scared of falling. Really scared. I stuffed up the approach to a difficult jump and Annie just couldn't get high enough to get us out of it. There were a couple of things I might have done to avoid the same fall, but really it was just a mistake and they happen all the time. The prospect of making a mistake and getting seriously hurt still makes my stomach churn.

So, this blog will be my way of documenting my ordinariness. My life as an amateur, a grassroots competitor and an average punter. Don't get me wrong, I'm still competitive as fuck, but now I'm not focusing on 3*! And this blog will not be full of how awesome I am (well, not all of it, anyway :D), but will be full of honesty, self-reflection and journey.